The old lab, with it's so familiar hallways which I often dreaded meeting the boss on my way down, with the constant mess and the stress. It somehow felt like home. It was good to finally go back to see some old friends. People who not only made my life bearable while we slaved away, but whom I can call friends and count on them to be around in good times and bad. Under that stressful work environment we formed closer friendships than one that I would imagine possible in my current lab. It is very sad to hear that some will leave for good to return home, this is the life for us living away from home- we neither belong here, but not quite back home too.
The old boss did not go to the memorial, but to every one's surprise, he reimbursed the air ticket for those who went. I can see that he is affected by the loss, he appeared older to me than before, but of course we all age. When I started the job, I would never have quite thought that after three years, I can walk into his office to just to say hi and chat.
There were photos of Steve and everyone in the lab. It felt strange not to be part of it. After this whole thing, I sometimes feel that I could have done more for the lab, to bring them closer as he had done. But then again, it is not in my nature, I am simply not as gregarious and fun. I did my job, I organized parties as best, but it was not like what he had done. Steve was exceptional in many ways.
Could I have done something more?
Maybe. The bigger question that remains is for me to know myself better, to know me for who I am, not who I think I should be.
What do I want in life? Family matters to me, adding the suffix to my name is secondary as much as I enjoy science. I prefer to live my life surrounded by close friends, by that I mean people whom I can click with and count on, and accepting that some will always be just acquaintances, that I do not have to get along with everyone. I will not be defined by the number of friends I have on any social network. Always the quality, not the quantity. I enjoy just being home, reading, crafting or tending to my plants. I might be remembered as the nice person, which sometimes really irks me, but then again, is it all that bad? Should I be achieving more with my life?
5 comments:
You may not be gregarious but you have something far more important - a very good heart. You are always warm and caring and the fact that you are even asking this proves my point :)
You bring a lot of joy to people by your thoughtfulness.
Dawn, I think I ask this because I feel I still need to improve on people skills, I find interaction with people sometimes a chore and rather hide in the background.
You are actually THE example of someone thoughtful- be it through your baking, gifts or simply calling. Thanks for always being around :)
Hey I wouldn't want to call or hang around with you unless you were special. I'm selfish that way :)
you give off a good vibe. you're genuine. i don't know you (yet) but i'm glad to have a chance to meet you. and when circumstances permit, to know you a little more. but for now, i'm so glad to be able to read your blog and share a little of your thoughts. i think it's really precious.
Dawn: no way, you are again the person who can make friends with anyone, include birds, cats and dogs! :D
Imp: you have to come next year yah? thanks for all the encouragement, it still amazes me how the internet can connect people!
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