Lately I have been trying to write the blog, thinking of posts that I want to share, but somehow never getting to writing them. My thoughts have been very jumbled up lately and it is difficult to extract them and frame them up here.
I usually set some goals for each new year. This year however, I am at a lost. Partly I am fretting out over turning 30. Okay, so it is the trigger of all these. Where I am now is not where I have envisioned myself to be five years ago. Then again, if I have never left Singapore I may never have had the opportunity to try so many things.
This time the question of what else can I expect from life has come up more often than previously. I have come so far, what else is there to look forward to? Like WJ says, if you have never been depressed, you may never totally understand that feeling. The paragraph from Elegance of the Hedgehog is a life saver:
For the first time in my life, I understood the meaning of the word never. And it's really awful. You say the word a hundred times a day but you don't really know what you're saying until you are faced with a real "never again". Ultimately you always have the illusion that you are in control of what's happening; nothing seems definitive. I may have been telling myself all these weeks that I was going to commit suicide, but did I really believe it? Did my decision really make me understand the meaning of the word "never"?...
Thank you Imp, for reminding me to look for the sunshine in my life! That is exactly what I need to be doing.
2 comments:
I think it's perfectly normal (and healthy) to soul search - after reading Generation X, I kind of think everyone has to have their version of the mid 20s crisis.
It's also stressful for you right now with exams and all - once it's done, we'll do something really fun ok?
huh what triggered this "never" thoughts? but i agree with you that we tend to misuse this word alot.
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